Monday, November 28, 2016

And I wonder why?

I saw this little gem in the paper yesterday, which was a wonderful explanation of why you apparently don't want to live in San Remo at the moment.

Of the entire read, this individual stuck out:


"Teneal.... blames high unemployment and a lack of opportunities for most of the area’s problems."

Really, my dear?  You don't think that your lack of presentation, personal grooming standards, or I'm-never-getting-a-job-but-I'm-an-individual tattoos might have something to do with it?

“I’ve wanted to find work my whole life. Finding work is the hardest. There’s nothing really around here.”

If you want to find work there is work.  That involves getting up every morning, getting to work on time every day, and being productive all the time.  From the look of you, you'd be lucky to crawl out of the flophouse before the crack of 2pm, and then only because you're looking for an ice hit.

"Teneal dreamt of becoming a midwife, but an assault conviction she received ended that. Now she has her sights set on becoming a veterinarian, if only she could see a way out of her current situation."

I think you'd be well advised to set your aspirations and life goals to something a little more realistic than professional medicine, just myself.  Years of full time study and dedication just isn't what I see there, sorry.  I'm not sure I even see "would you like fries with that" to be honest, because speaking as a former fast food restaurant manager I wouldn't have you near the place.


Saturday, November 19, 2016

How to disable ads in uTorrent

How to disable ads in uTorrent (because we've now passed the threshold from tolerable to annoying):

Options > [Hold down Shift+F2] Preferences > Advanced

Set the following to disabled (depends on verion you are running):

bt.enable_pulse
gui.show_gate_explaination
gui.show_gate_notify
gui.show_notorrents_node
gui.show_plus_av_upsell
gui.show_plus_conv_upsell
gui.show_plus_upsell
gui.show_plus_upsell_nodes
offers.backup_left_rail_offer_enabled
offers.backup_sponsored_torrent_offer_enabled
offers.content_offer_autoexec
offers.left_rail_offer_enabled/left_rail_offer
offers.sponsored_torrent_offer_enabled
offers.upgrade_panel
offers.upgrade_toolbar
sponsored_torrent_offer_enabled



Thursday, November 10, 2016

Just sayin'. :)


How's that working out for you, Hillary?



Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Sorry, missed one:

Really couldn't miss this one....



And from one of the biggest, wankiest, lefty loonies of all:


I'd just like to remind everyone of this MM diatribe, which did MUCH to ensure a victory for the forces of rational thinking over corrupt corporate manipulation.  I never thought I'd thank Michael Moore for anything, but he has redeemed himself for this one.  The fact that he's appalled at the message he conveyed makes it all the funnier.

Fuck you too, Michael.  But mostly - fuck you, Shrillary.  See you in prison, bitch.

Dear Hillary supporters....









I have this to say to you:



Don't let the doorknob get you in the arse on the way out.

Oh yeah, I had $50 on The Don to win at $4.33, so fuck you even more.  :)

Sunday, September 11, 2016

It's not about race. SIT YOUR ARSE DOWN.

One of the "news" items of the weekend is this libtard puff piece, where some self-important probably half-blood relation (assuming the sperm donor could be identified without there being a buck in it) was outraged, OUTRAGED I TELL YOU that someone told them to sit their arse down at a concert so that everyone else could see.

A few points here:

(a) Why the hell was the welfare recipient in question taking an 11 YEAR OLD to a concert anyway?  That's not appropriate.

(b) It has nothing to do with race.  SIT YOUR OVERENTITLED ARSE DOWN.  If you stand up you force every single fucking row behind you to stand so THEY can enjoy the concert too.  You know, like they PAID FOR.  If you want to wiggle your arse around, buy a ticket in the moshpit.  The rest of us paid for SEATS so we could SIT IN THE FUCKING THINGS.

(c)  Trying to spin the reaction like it's racial is bullshit.  You're dead fucking wrong, and you're desperately looking for a reason to try to dig your way out of the hole YOU chose to publicly dig for yourself.

This is why I have no time for coons.  They act like they've been told to go pick cotton, when all they've been asked to do is comport themselves to the same goddamn standards as the rest of civilisation.  Then when they're told to get the fuck back in their box, it's "racism", when in reality they'd have to be stood over and sheepdogged to pick the damn cotton even when being paid to, because fundamentally they are useless whiners.

You'd get precisely the same reaction regardless of your skin colour, because you're still blocking the view of everyone else regardless.  SIT YOUR ARSE DOWN, and preferably take it somewhere else.  We will accept you remaining if you have like a NORMAL PERSON.  We'll even tolerate you simmering like a cauldron of misplaced resentment and refusal to accept accountability for your own actions, because we're all pretty used to that when dealing with coons.  It's just the inevitable consequence of dealing with a race which is fundamentally lazy, underachieving and perpetually plays the victim card as an attempted excuse for lack of accomplishment.

Either way, all we ask is that you just get on with it, be responsible for your own actions, and don't negatively impact anyone else - if so, we'll be fine.

As a takeaway, you might want to apply that one after you walk out of the Kraftwerk concert, too - but I doubt it.  What a pity that I'm actually more entitled as a normal member of society to have your bullshit attitude thrown out a concert by security over a $150 concert ticket than I am to have to deal with it in real life.

Morons.

Saturday, September 10, 2016

Muzak

I was having breakfast in the cafe at my local shopping centre today.  I have long since trained all of the staff as to my standard order (double shot long black in a mug, eggs benedict with bacon and a hash brown) so it's pretty much a matter of rock up, collapse into a chair, deploy the paper, and wait for beverages and sustenance to arrive.

You know you're a regular when the waitress says "what'll it be, the usual?".

You know you're a local when you just sit down and a few minutes your usual is placed before you.

So I'm about 6 pages into The Age and making inroads into my coffee, and vaguely listening to the muzak drifting in from the centre, when whatever subconscious part of my brain is responsible for processing vague, non-specific auditory stimuli (e.g. wife telling me to do something) begins a pattern recognition sequence.  I know this song.

Now I have a theory then when it comes to cheap muzak played in theatre reception rooms, shopping centres, cruise ships and the elevators of the world, there is a vast unspoken conspiracy among the public amenity administrators of these sorts of places that only cheap, crappy reggae covers of anything may be played.  I realise the reggae is to distort the original work sufficiently that there is no fees payable for the use of the content, but serious, does it have to be reggae?  I mean, why??  There's already been more than enough crappy reinterpreted reggae perpetuated into the consciousness of the world by UB40 without needing to encourage the production of more of the bloody stuff.

I suppose it could be worse, if it was England the bastards would be playing Greensleeves.

So the brain daemon has engaged the reggae filter and is now trying to figure out what the hell is playing behind all the steel drums and ska beat, while the forebrain is getting on with the serious business to hand of poached eggs with a damn nice hollandaise and crispy fried applewood bacon, when it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks.

To my horror, I've just realised the tune playing is Unchained Melody, done with the pan pipes (or more realistically the shitty pan pipes filter on someone's bloody Yamaha home organ), to a reggae theme.

There ought to be some sort of a law, seriously.  There's no need for that.

There might have been a chance I'd be put off my breakfast, except that I'd just finished a ritual bloodletting at the local GP clinic for which procedure you're required to starve yourself, you can't even have a bloody coffee beforehand.  Surely some roasted, dried and ground beans in hot water aren't going to affect a cholesterol test much?  Can they not allow for the normal levels of water in a man's caffeine stream?

There ought to be a law about doctors, too.

And I only won $11 in the Tatts the other night, so I shall have to buy myself a nice new set of arrows to console myself, I think.  Who knows, in a couple of days my arms might stop hurting from the dubious attentions of Vampirella and Selene from the local recreational bleeding establishment so I can put the things together.

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Fuck you, Piers Morgan.

As if you ever needed proof that Piers Morgan is a complete lefty cunt, this is it.

Get fucked, Piers.

Sunday, September 4, 2016

See ya, Masters.

I've had this love/hate relationship with Masters hardware ever since they opened.

I like the idea of someone keeping Bunnings honest and offering some alternatives to their stock lines.  I like the idea of being able to reward someone else other than goddamn Wesfarmers with my business.  I like the idea of more stores, which can only mean more convenience.

Unfortunately, Woolworths has shown they don't know crap about running a hardware store.

The interior layout is precisely what makes K-Mart crap compared to Big W (ironic given the ownership of the two businesses).  You can't find anything, it's product grouping is just weird.

Bunnings having locked up Ryobi exclusively is a kick in the teeth, but Masters stock a bunch of weird brands.  I realise they're 1/3rd owned by Lowes, but the Australian market clearly wasn't ready for that.  They want to see the brands they know and trust before deploying the credit card.

My local Masters has a much better range of stuff like LED bulbs, but then they piss me off by only stocking the warm coloured ones in the sizes I want.  I want the cool ones.  Telling someone who's just asked for something that "there's no demand for it" is a contender for the single silliest response ever provided to a customer.

Their pricing isn't sufficiently differential to entice me away from Bunnings.  It might be a little better.  It's never a lot better.  Assuming they have what I want, and that I can find it.  I realise there's not a lot of discretionary profit margin left, but Masters management also need to realise that it's just as easy for me to continue to shop at Bunnings when they aren't differentiating themselves in a positive way.

Their sausages suck.  Hard.  Are you listening, Masters management?  This is a social institution you are dealing with here.  Get the sausages right or die.

So with Lowes having pulled the pin on a cash drain, my local Masters is having a 10% off sale.  Wow, that just about brings your pricing in line with the big green shop literally across the street, and your stock still sucks.

I attempted to purchase a workshop vacuum this weekend.

I failed to do so at Bunnings, as their range either sucked, or was too expensive, or was an overachiever and managed both at the same time.

The Masters choice was either plastic crap, or very expensive commercial grade versions.  10% off something twice what I want to pay isn't doing it for me.  Even 40% off is only just ringing my bells, considering there won't be a retailer to take any warranty claim back to if needed.

So I went to Total Tools, who failed to have my desired model in stock.  Righto, let's find a solution - has Sir considered this alternative?  Pretty much identical, stainless body, detachable heavy duty hoses, steel piping instead of bloody plastic, reverse blow function, much better castors and onboard power takeoff.  Sir inspects and will take one as a fit for purpose substitute, please.  Momentary consternation locating the one in stock.  No worries, we'll fix this.  Would Sir agree to accept the next model up for the same price?  Sir would.

So I wound up with a stainless bodied, ball bearing castored, HEPA filtered, 2000W wet and dry barrel shop vac with 10 litre larger body for $100 **less** than Masters wanted for the smaller rough equivalent in plastic everything, with bushed castors, no filter, and no takeoff.

See ya, Masters.  Don't let the doorknob get you in the arse on the way out.


Saturday, August 27, 2016

Mobile fun

Interesting conversation with an induhvidual at my sports club this afternoon.  The topic of the conversation was crap mobile reception.

Induhvidual:  I fixed my problem, I have a mobile repeater.

Me:  Really?  So do I.  Where did you get yours?

Induhvidual:  eBay.

Me:  Ah, so an illegal one then.

Induhvidual:  No!

Me:  Really.  What did you pay for it?

Induhvidual:  About $100.

Me:  Wow, nice buy.  And definitely totally illegal.  My repeater is legal.  They go for about $800 the last time I looked.

Induhvidual:  Who cares?

Me:  Mobile carriers care.  A lot.  By operating a transmitter in their frequency spectrum that’s not synced with their network, you’re creating a high powered source of interference that knocks out reception for everyone else in the area around you.  In effect, you’re a one-man black spot.  Legal repeaters work by acting as a mobile handset themselves so they sync with the network base station which deconflicts their signal with every other handset in the coverage footprint.  They then rebroadcast on a different frequency again, which they agree with the base station not to use, so they boost your signal without killing anyone else's.

Induhvidual:  So?

Me:  So mobile carriers get pissed about that sort of thing, because their customers complain, and that’s poking the carrier right in their most sensitive area – their revenue stream.

Induhvidual:  They can’t catch me.

Me:  Really?  They can triangulate the source of the interfering signal from their towers quite well, probably plot it down to something about the size of the room you have the thing installed in without too much trouble.  After all, it’s not moving, so all they have to do is take a bunch of measurements and take the average, that’s going to give them your house.  Think how good the GPS signal is in your mobile phone, that’s AGPS that uses mobile tower triangulation to boost the satellite signal.  Does your mobile phone GPS still work indoors?  So does the reverse.

Induhvidual:  Oh.  But they won’t care.

Me:  Let’s think that one through, shall we?  As I said, it’s a revenue stream for the carrier.  Complaints from your neighbours about their services being crap are going to get investigated.  The carrier can measure the interference levels off the base station from a computer terminal on the other side of the world just fine, and pull up reporting of stuff like the noise levels coming and going, dropped call rates off the cell et cetera.  If they see a problem, what they see is complaints or customers leaving for another carrier that uses a frequency spectrum that some dumbarse *isn’t* operating an unlicensed illegal transmitter in, so either way it costs them.  Those customers then go and tell ten of their friends and neighbours not to use that crappy carrier X, they switched to carrier Y and it’s sooo much better.

So what’s going to happen is that one day you’re going to get a knock on the door.  When you answer it, the caller will announce themselves as being a field technical investigator for the carrier, and he’s here to conduct a check for any unlicensed transmitter equipment operating in his carrier’s spectrum, and that he’ll be seizing it under the Telecommunications Act 1997 if he finds it.  Don’t worry, he’ll find it.  The radio analysis gear he has in his van costs more than your house does.

The bloke standing behind him will be a nice police officer.  He’ll be accompanying the carrier technician to make sure your attitude falls within the range deemed acceptable and compliant with the aforementioned Act, and he’ll have been well briefed beforehand so he knows exactly what they can do.  That covers stuff like entry to the premises regardless of your assent, seizing anything they deem suspicious for further analysis, and generally doing pretty much what they want to.

The next character behind him is an investigating engineer from the ACMA.  He’s the one going to be actually prosecuting you for violating the Telecommunications Act.  He cares because the ACMA sells spectrum to the carriers, and it’s pretty scarce, so they charge heaps for it, and in return the carriers expect their licence rights to be fiercely protected.  The fine for individuals for this stuff is currently up to 2 years gaol and fines of up to $175,000.

The bloke behind him in the nice suit is the legal counsel for the ACMA assigned to the investigation.  He’s not going to say much, his job is just to observe and ensure the two engineers document everything well enough that the magistrate doesn’t need to waste too much time on agreeing that you’re well fucked, and that everyone else can move on to lunch.

But hey, use the thing if you like, no skin off my nose.


Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Tax dodge of the day

Just bought a couple of engineering reference booksfrom a bloke I met online.  Optical transmission stuff for work, thought they would be an interesting read, and he works right next door so why not?

$5 each, pristine condition.  Excellent.

And I just found they have the purchase receipts in them from when they were bought last year… $122 and $132 respectively. So I can claim them on my tax as a work related self education expense at full price.

Win!

Thursday, August 4, 2016

Well that doesn't happen every day

I don't think I have ever agreed with anything much Andrew Wilkie has ever had to say, but apparently never say never.


Friday, July 29, 2016

Tech support tragedy of the day

Accounting firm gets a Cryptolocker infection, which blows through their main file server like a dose of salts and encrypts the lot.

Faced with a ransom of thousands of dollars, incrementing by the hour, and a deadline before the decryption key is lost forever, the firm's IT consultant decides to wipe the server and restore from backup.  He long ago set them up with Carbonite cloud backup so no loss other than restore time.

Having scrubbed the drive array - so the files and encryption hash are now gone, even if they paid the ransom - the IT consultant now discovers he can't remember the password to the backups.  Carbonite uses 1024 bit encryption.

Fuck.

Backup plan - reimport the private encryption key directly, if that's present the password is not required.  Where is the key stored?  Oh yeah... on the server.



Fuuuuuuuck.

Last resort plan - the owner of the firm should still have the private encryption key in their e-mail.  Only the server was affected so the .PST file should be unencrypted.  The owner's response: ""I don't keep anything sensitive in my e-mail because it's not secure."

Game over.

The accounting firm has lost 20 years of customer files that might be relied on for tax or legal use, all of their workflow templates, their own business and personnel records, down to and including their own company incorporation documents.  They're going out of business, and that's before their customers start suing them for professional negligence and costs incurred.

The IT consultant firm doesn't have errors and omissions insurance, so they're going out of business too once the accounting firm's owner sues them into oblivion.

Final kicker - why didn't the IT consultant do regular test disaster recovery runs, and discover the password issue?  The accounting firm owner didn't want to incur the cost and system downtime to do so, against the advice of the IT consultant, who's now the only person left with an e-mail trail and records to demonstrate this.  So it's quite likely that they will walk in terms of the lawsuit, despite it being their negligence that caused the issue.

"But that costs money!" - any manager/executive/owner, ever.

Friday, July 15, 2016

Another terror attack in France

Another terror attack in France... large truck deliberately driven into a crowd, then the driver got out and started brassing up the bystanders.

Now I wonder who could have committed such an act?





I suppose at some point the world is going to admit that Islam is fundamentally incompatible with Western values and get serious about addressing the issue, but I also no doubt that our pussified politicians will allow the situation to get a lot worse before they do so.

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

I'm a vigilante

For the last couple of weeks I've been back to getting the train to work again, which means getting the tram over to the station in the afternoon.

That's fine.  What shits me is the number of weetbix-packet-licence pricks who can't quite grasp the concept of stopping for the pedestrian crossings at the tram stops.  I mean it's not rocket science, it's a superstop with clearly apparent crossings.  Wavy lines, zebra stripes, fluoro yellow signs.



I've been getting very good at reaching out and giving people's wing mirrors a good firm slap as the blow by, which always results in a good firm BANG, and if I'm lucky, a broken mirror.  I've only had one cretin get out of the car and complain, and he pulled his head in smartly when I offered to remove it for him.

A couple of afternoons ago, I was a bit slow off the mark and didn't make it to a mirror in time, so I contented myself with a good solid punch to the back quarter panel.  That must have sounded really impressive inside the car, because the driver shit themselves and slammed on the brakes, with the result that the car behind him - which was also blowing through the crossing at the same speed - ran straight into the back of him.  Bonus points!

While I would have loved to get a photo, I deemed it a wise move to disappear smartly...

Sunday, July 10, 2016

Your Sunday morning dose of stupid

This is one of the stupidest piece of lefty socialist thinking you'll ever hear.

Two pommie philosophers think that parents are "unfairly disadvantaging other people’s children" by.... reading to their own children.

‘One way philosophers might think about solving the social justice problem would be by simply abolishing the family. If the family is this source of unfairness in society then it looks plausible to think that if we abolished the family there would be a more level playing field.’

I have a simpler and far more practical idea.  Let's shoot philosophers if this sort of loony lefty thinkspeak is all they are good for, because I'm not seeing a lot of practical application for their contribution so far.

Armchair Socialists specialise in espousing equality, but like all academics with zero practical experience in making anything happen, they don't appreciate that it's usually done by dragging everyone back to the common denominator of the lowest achiever.  Apparently it's OK if a whole bunch of people have to suffer as a result, because in socialist-think that's better than any one person experiencing more suffering because of their own unique circumstances.

Anyone with a level of intelligence superior to a bread mold would respond to this twaddle by asking, quite reasonably, why not improve the experience of the lowest advantaged?  Ah, but that would require work, and possibly getting out of the armchair. Can't have that.  Is there any more tea?

To quote someone else who put it better than I can - 

The reality is that the only way we will have equality is by dragging everyone down to the same level. By hammering down on the hard working, the studious, the enterprising, the principled, the entrepreneurial. And this is what happens under socialism. Merit is not rewarded.

Of course, one of these cretins is now trying to back out their statement and claim they were misinterpreted, but I think the message came through quite clearly the first time.

Fuck off, you irrelevant twats.

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Ultimate sourpuss

Check out the look on the clock of the old dear at 47s in...


So apparently my attitude sucks

So apparently my attitude sucks, but I know that already.

Scored a complaint at work today about my attitude.  Surprised it took so long, really.

Whiny Clueless Manager: I've received a complaint from my staff about your attitude.

(Note - this isn't my manager, it's the manager of the Whiny Clueless Staff.  Why the hell she's even approaching me directly I don't know.)

Me: Really?  Over what exactly?

WCM: You're apparently being deliberately unavailable to support them when they need it, and you're supposed to be in a knowledge transfer and escalations position.

Me: Right, I know who you're talking about.  You should have said "Peabrain has been whining", it would have been quicker.  This is the person who e-mailed me earlier today and asked me for 2 hours of my time to explain something they should damn well already know, and I responded politely that I was willing to help, just book some time in my calendar.  Their response was to book a 2 hour timeslot, in between two other back to back meetings I already had.

WCM: Yes, is that a problem?  We're all busy.

Me: It is when I work in a building 20 minutes travel from the one they work in.  I don't even mind going for the walk on the grounds that it's easier to move me than 6 of them, and getting into my building is a pain in the arse because of the security requirements, but I don't have a teleporter to get there.  Or back to meet my preexisting following commitment, for that matter.  And I'll bet whatever you like that their meeting won't finish early.

WCM: Can't you do it via video conference?

Me: Probably, and I told them that.  Their response was to book a video conference capable room in a third building again, which is about 15 minutes travel in the opposite direction.  Same problem, no teleporter.

WCM: Ah.  But now they say you're delaying until next week?

Me: Depends on what you mean by "delay".  The timeslot they took was the sole remaining time I have for the rest of the week, because I'm in Sydney for a meeting all day tomorrow, and I'm smashed from start until finish for the rest of the week because some of the rest of the team are on a training course and one person is personal leave, so the rest of use have damn near a double workload.

I can't help it if other people who organise their time better got to me first, and I make no apology for being busy.  Don't even think of asking me to move another meeting, it's not going to happen.  If I do that for one person I have to do it for everyone, and everyone thinks they're the most important person in the place.  Most of them are wrong.

WCM: They say you can't be available until Wednesday next week now.

Me: Hang on, I'll forward you the e-mail where I advised my availability.  It says I'm available every single morning next week, that Wednesdays are not ideal, but I can miss the meeting I have for that day if there is nothing else that suits everyone.  That's pretty much the diametrical opposite of what they said.

WCM: Ah.

Me: So, to summarise, I've been helpful, accurate and accommodating within my ability to do so around other commitments.  They've been needy, untimely, disorganised, inaccurate, untruthful and need their jobs explained to them.

As such, my response to their complaint is "go fuck yourself sideways", and I'll be expecting an apology before I hear a further request for support from them.  Further discussion should be directed to my manager, and I assure you that that will be the second time he hears about it, because I'm going over to tell him what's actually going on as soon as I get off this call with you.

WCM: Ah.  Er... righto.  See your point, I'll pass that back to them.

Me: Excellent.  Tell them not to let the doorknob get them in the arse on the way out.


Certain aspects of this post may have been subject to some slight literary licence in the name of illustratory humour, but I assure you that every point in the conversation took place as described.

Sunday, June 26, 2016

These things are sent to try us

Small home brew accident.  The black crap is turbo carbon, it's basically a slurry of powdered carbon in water and soluble oil.

Think thick, liquid graphite.

Now think about trying to clean this crap up.  >_<


Saturday, June 18, 2016

Life hacks with Uncle Rob

Essential viewing for any bloke that wants to get stuff done quickly.
(e-mail readers, click the link at the bottom to see the embedded video.)

Moron of the week

People who vape are morons., but this guy is a special type of moron.

Bonus points for not taking his lip full of chaw out the entire goddamn time.

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

And another thing....

"Angel Colon" would have to just be the perfect name for someone shot in a poofter bar.

Monday, June 13, 2016

Another week, another muslim terrorist act

Woke up this morning to stories of a mass murder shooting in America.

It was in a poofter bar so I'm kinda conflicted on that one, but the biggest point of the story is... wait for it...



Wow, who would have thunk it?

Mateen [the raghead in question] made a 911 call before the attack identifying himself and pledging allegiance to the Islamic State, according to US law enforcement officials. IS has not yet claimed responsibility for the shooting, but jihadist-linked news agency Amaq said an IS fighter was behind it.

Not saying that all muslims are terrorists, but you know - ever notice how every time there's a terrorist, they turn out to be muslim?

I mean, you'd almost think there was a common thread to these attacks or something... if only the socialist liberal press and our broke-dick politicians could somehow make the connection...

Of course, a libtard politician like Obummer will no doubt blame guns.  'cos obviously an inanimate object is inherently evil and responsible for making otherwise well adjusted, rational people go out and commit mass murder, right?  And it would against the liberal agenda to be intolerant, unless it's intolerance of things conservatives support, in which case it's OK.



Perhaps we should licence or preferably ban pressure cookers too.

Or cartoons!  Mustn't have anyone running around loose with those, they might trigger someone!

Or... or... gee, what do we blame this one on?

Or these?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2014_Endeavour_Hills_stabbings
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2014_Saint-Jean-sur-Richelieu_ramming_attack
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2014_shootings_at_Parliament_Hill,_Ottawa
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2014_Tours_police_station_stabbing
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2014_Dijon_attack
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2015_Chattanooga_shootings
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2015_Parramatta_shooting
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2015_San_Bernardino_attack

I wonder why all the perps had named that sounded something like Muhammad Raghead Youssef Abdulazeez Goatfucker?

Anyone?  Anyone?

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Another day, another moron

Man, they're just lining up for it these last few days.

This morning's new example of bloody stupidity is a woman suing Ellen Degeneres for mispronouncing her name, for fuck's sake.

Yeah, I'm sorry love, but if your name is Titi Pierce, then guess how it's gonna be pronounced.

 According to the lawsuit, prior to being featured on the show, Ms Pierce has only ever been addressed as Tee Tee”.  It says Titi is a Nigerian name meaning flower and Ms Pierce has “strong, positive” feelings about her name.

It then goes on with a bunch of bullshit about how she's been ridiculed in person and in public, including random calls on her mobile phone.  Despite sounding like something a stripper would use for a stage name, the woman is (apparently) a fucking real estate agent, and the way her details were presented were to air a picture of one of an advertising sign she had stuck up in public... complete with her full name and mobile phone number.

I think Ms Pierce needs to take her Titis off somewhere else for a reality check.  I don't care how strong and positive her feelings are on the matter, if your name sounds utterly fucking ridiculous when pronounced in the language of the country you're in then you're going to be a laughed at.

I'm waiting for these guys to raise their lawsuits any day now.

Universal basic stupidity crushed

It probably won't be a surprise to most people that the Swedish referendum on the Universal Basic Income has failed miserably.

Apparently 78% of voters had some attribute of common sense that there's no free money tree out there, despite the 22% of people who seem to believe in pixies and fairy tales, and would probably vote for Bernie Saunders too if given the chance.


What would you do if one in five people thought it was OK to do nothing and expect for their lifestyle to be paid for by the hard work of others?

What we'd end up with is the socialist dream - everyone equal.  Although, of course, we'd still want the smart people to work harder, because someone has to invent cool stuff we want like smartphones, right?  I mean, how else would we organise rallies against "the man"?

Ever notice how socialism only ever breeds among the malcontents who think they're entitled to something for nothing, or more than they have worked for?  There's a lot of truth in the saying that if you're not a socialist at 20 you have no heart, and if you're not a conservative at 40 then you have no brain.  People tend to get touchy about other people wanting their stuff for free when it's the result of their hard work.

Sunday, June 5, 2016

Stupid idea of the week

Here's your stupid idea of the week - today Switzerland is voting on an idea some delusional people are calling the "universal basic income".

Basically, the idea is that all citizens would be paid a base income of around $3,500 a month, regardless of what they do, down to and including nothing.  Proponents of the scheme argue that money is a "human right" and people should have their basic costs of living guaranteed.

They further propose that salaries would become "a symbol of appreciation" and this would allow people to be free to choose what they wanted to do, as opposed to being a wage slave in order to pay bills.

Those who chose to work and who earned above the basic income would have the monthly payment deducted from their salary.

These people would have to be some of the most crack brained socialist idiots you are ever likely to encounter in your life.  Freebies for everyone sounds like a great idea, what could possibly go wrong?  Let's list some of the more obvious issues, shall we?


  • What's to stop people sitting on their arse, doing nothing, and still collecting their $42,000 a year?  Who is paying for that?
  • Why would anyone in a job earning less than $42,000 a year bother to continue to work?  It costs money to get to and from work, buy work clothing etc.  They could incur less expenses and get the same income for doing less work.
  • Why would anyone earning just over $42,000 a year bother to work?  40 hours a week plus all the costs and loss of person time when you're only going to be effectively paid the same as the lazy prick next door who doesn't bother?
  • Who's going to do the crap jobs, like garbage collection, or overnight shift in a power station, or ambulance paramedic?  You'd have to pay these people sufficient money over and above the basic income to incentivise them to bother, so you'd need to pay a garbo about $100K.  Or, in other words, about the same as what they get paid now without a basic income component, but with a little more on top to encourage them not to just stay in bed and pull in the $42K for nothing.
  • The same applies to hard demanding jobs, like mining, or being a doctor, or a cop.  You have to pay them the basic income on top of their current wage to get them to bother.
  • And with all these wage rises, why won't prices simply rise to encompass the "free" money available, so a sandwich costs you $20 (wait until you see what one costs in an airport)?

Most importantly, where's the money coming from?  Even assuming a money tree has been located for immediate use, you're still going to need to pay someone about $85K to shake the bloody thing!

(This is ignoring the basic fact that a real world money tree would actually be a hyperinflationary thing, because money is only worth anything when there is a strictly controlled volume of it in circulation.)

This isn't Star trek, you fucking morons.  The reality is that work is something the overwhelming majority of people would rather not be doing, and while I'm sure that most people have hobbies, pasttimes and pursuits they would enthusiastically pursue is all of their free time, the reality is that painting pictures of flowers and playing video games doesn't produce anything that will feed, clothe or shelter anyone.

Apparently the organisers of this farce are aiming for about a 20-25% "yes" vote, with the goal of it becoming a reality in 10 years or so.  I'm quite sure they will get their 20-25%, because I'm willing to believe that that's about the proportion of lazy fuckers out there would would gladly do nothing if given the chance.

Until we invent safe room temperature nuclear fusion, the ability to mine asteroids for raw materials and the Star Trek replicator though, that's about as far as it will go because I also think most people are rational enough to understand that free shit doesn't fall from the sky.  Even your average dole bludging useless waste of space professional government welfare recipient understands that.



Friday, June 3, 2016

Barbecue beans

The handbrake is away for the weekend, let's make a big ol' pot of beans.

Ingredients:
Big can of 3 or 4 bean mix
2 cans of kidney beans
1 can of Heinz Big Red tomato soup.  If you can't get Heinz Big Red, don't bother trying until you can.
3-4 onions
Garlic, preminced or fresh (probably about 3 big teaspoons or so)
6-8 full rashers of bacon.  Do not feat the fat, fat is good.
2 cups brown sugar
1/4 cup vinegar (brown or white, but not red or flavoured)
3 big teaspoons dried mustard powder
Worcestershire sauce
Booze - a good glass of bourbon whisky

Optional:
Liquid smoke.  This stuff is the bomb, it's like all the flavour of a wood barbecue in a little bottle.  I use the Hickory version, but the Mesquite would be nice too.  You don't need a lot of this stuff, buy a bottle of each and stick it in your cupboard for man cooking.  I used about two teaspoons for the whole pot, it goes a long way.

Chilli.  I used some Blair's Mega Death, but you could use fresh chilli too.  I put about 4 small splashes in, then emptied the last of a bottle of Frank's in too.  This gives a nice bit of flavour with a little background hear, and I have plenty of Cholula ready to go on top if needed.  The nice thing about products like Cholula is that you can add plenty and enjoy the flavour, it's not very hot.


Method:

As Jeebs said in MIB II, let's make it happen, cap'n!.

Stick yer onions and bacon in a decent pot and cook down with a little splash of olive oil.  Ideally you'd like the bacon fat to begin to melt and render a little.  Never use pissy short bacon, get the tailed stuff and cook it for flavour.

Add the garlic and cook a little.  Watch out, garlic burns and becomes bitter if you show it too much heat.  I am lazy so I used preminced jars of garlic, but I put plenty in.

When you reckon she's right, deglaze the pan and stop everything cooking for a bit by showing it the can of tomato soup.  Don't toss the tin yet, you will need some more liquid soon, and the tin is the perfect way or doing it plus doing a nice rinse.

Add the brown sugar, vinegar, mustard powder and Worcester sauce.  I like quite a bit of Worcester, it has a nice fruity quality, and the anchovies add some salt.  If you don't have the original Lea and Perrins then I reckon Lancashire Relish is a more than acceptable substitute, it has a nice range of fruit flavours too.  I know it seems like a lot of sugar, but American style cooking often does have a slightly salty-sweet end flavour which is kind of umami combined with a bit of chilli heat.  Have a taste, if you think it's too sweet add more vinegar, but you don't want it tangy.

Add the booze.  If half a glass of bourbon seems a little extreme, don't worry as it will cook down, but the flavour is unmissable.  Buy the cheapest, nastiest bottle of radiator flush you can find at the local boozerama and keep it for stuff like this.  Goes well in steak sauce, too.

Now unlid yer beans and pour off any excess syrup, but don't drain them - that's flavour.  Bung the lot in and stir through.

Now is the time to contemplate the total liquid volume, and rinse your tomato soup tin out and empty in as required.  I like my beans to be moderately risotto-loose at the end of the cook, because I like the sauce.  But then again I also eat them out of a bowl with some shredded cheddar on top, not as a side dish - if you wish to experiment with the latter, then I recommend less initial liquid or you will be cooking the bastards down forever.


I do think you need at least an hour's cooking for everything to meld nicely, and if you're going to do it in a low-liquid format, think seriously about chucking the lot into the oven at about 150°C to finish without catching on the bottom, or crusting too much.  I recommend an oven proof pot for that, but that would require thinking about that waaaay before reaching this point, so I suspect your decision has been made for you by now.

Serve as a main with some shredded jalapeno cheddar, with a nice splash of the Cholula if you like, or as a side dish taken down to refried-beans consistency alongside a chargrilled steak or chicken breast brushed with some Nando's peri-peri marinade.  Yeah baby.


WARNING

Your family will not love you about 24 hours after eating a good batch of this stuff.  On the train the next day, it's the closest thing to biowarfare.

Nick Kyrgios gives himself the arse, saving the AOC the time

I see in the news this morning that Nick Kyrgios has had a dummy spit and decided to withdraw himself from potential selection for the Rio olympic* team.

I suppose Nick would like to think this is some sort of grand drop-the-mic flourish on his part, but in reality it's Nick attempting to save face before suffering the public embarrassment of the AOC overlooking him for generally behaving like a spoiled brat that they don't want representing the country in any form they can prevent.  It's pretty bad when Tennis Australia start describing your behavior as good compared to Bernard Tomic, who is another spoiled little brat with an ego that will only fit through a door sideways.

That, plus the fact that he's not good enough to win anything, anyway.

Still, with Andy Murray probably due to retire in a few years, I suppose there's a position to open up in international tennis for a self-important, narcissistic twat with an overly important opinion of himself to turn up, whine when he's not taken seriously, whine more when he loses, and collect his appearance fee for not doing much.

At least athletes like John McEnroe actually had talent to justify their behavior, but like like much of generation Y, Kyrgios appears to have a hard time differentiating between talking about how good his is about something, versus actually being able to demonstrate it.

Don't let the door get you in the arse on the way out, Nick.


*Yes, I am aware that it is theoretical convention to capitalise "olympic" and its derivations.  I don't agree with this because it depends on the wanky concept of a "proper noun" which is something that should have died out about a century ago, along with other Olde English fossils which modernity long since grew out of.  In reality, Olympus was a mythological mountain in which assorted Greek gods were supposed to reside, so I think I'll elect to give it a miss.

Some work required, but the brakes are awesome!

http://i.imgur.com/eYd0dg2.gifv

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Pic of a mobile phone brought in for repair

"I had to solder the power socket back in because it was loose.  Now it won't turn on.  Fix it."


Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Lying political scum

I received an interesting letterbox drop this morning from an organisation calling themselves doublecrossed.com.au.  Their gripe is that the state Labor party is proposing a skyrail project for several of the metropolitan train lines, as opposed to doing underground level rail crossing removals.

There was a bunch of twaddle and scaremongering on it about the purported disadvantages of the project, so I initially set down to send them a few conversational points to display that they are, in fact, dead wrong.

Some of their scaremongering:

Elevated lines are noisier.
Er, no, they are not.  Train lines are noisy, period.  Something to do with putting a few thousand tons of steel across steel lines at 100km/h, yeah?  Physics much?  That's not going to go away no matter what you do, and elevating the lines will result in the noise being radiated upwards, where it will dissipate far more quickly and with less disruption than it does at ground level.

It will "divide communities".
Sorry, what planet are you from?  What do you think the rail line, right of way for it, and fences to keep dumbarses off the lines do now?  Elevating the lines will actually remove those issue for the most.

It will create dumping grounds for rubbish.
Have you had a look at rail lines, car parks, shopping centres and road verges at all?  Rubbish dumping happens because of restrictive, expensive and idiotic council rubbish policies.  It's not created by the availability of a place for it to happen, there are plenty of such places already which is why it happens now.

Undesireables will hang out underneath the lines.
Have you had a look at the quality of individual that hangs out at train stations now?  I fail to see how adding 15 feet of vertical clearance is going to alter that one way or the other.

What elevated lines will achieve is to create a heap of additional parking space, which is the single most sorely needed factor in Melbourne's suburban train system now.  At most stations you can't get a park after 7am, which is hopeless.  At some stations like Oakleigh it's more like 6:30am.

Decreased property prices.
How?  The noise from the adjacent line will be less, not more, the eyesore of the generally unmaintained right of way will be gone, and there are no downsides.  In other words, that's a boogeyman word that the published hopes will scare people without needing to produce any actual proof.


So I set out to explain this to the publisher of this bollocks, but being a geek I decide to see who the registrant of the domain is.

http://www.dnsstuff.com/tools#whois|type=domain&&value=doublecrossed.com.au

Domain Name: doublecrossed.com.au
Last Modified: 04-Mar-2016 04:18:45 UTC
Status: clientDeleteProhibited
Status: clientUpdateProhibited
Registrar Name: GoDaddy.com, LLC
Registrant: THE LIBERAL PARTY OF AUSTRALIA VICTORIAN DIVISION
Registrant ID: ABN 70723275853
Eligibility Type: Other
Registrant Contact ID: CR194171579
Registrant Contact Name: Simon Terpstra

Um, dafuq?  Liberal party?

Who is this Simon dude?

https://www.linkedin.com/in/simonterpstra

Simon Terpstra
Senior Digital Strategist at Liberal Victoria
Melbourne, AustraliaPolitical Organization


Gee, let's look at the website.  Here's the footer:

Authorised by S.Frost. 104 Exhibition Street, Melbourne VIC 3000
(03) 9654 2255 | vic.liberal.org.au | libs@vic.liberal.org.au


So, in reality, this is an attempt by a political party to bash their opposition based on a thinly veiled attempt at masquerading as a public action campaign.

Unfortunately, it means I didn't bother to write them an e-mail, because there's no point.  I think I'll go and troll the idiot that runs the Moorabbin Airport Resident's Association instead, which is something I do occasionally for fun.   It's always fun poking holes in the arguments of people that buy houses next to airports and then complain about the noise.


Monday, May 30, 2016

E10 fuel sucks

I've known this for some time, but saw this video today which illustrates the problem very well with absolutely zero effort on my part, so win, right?!?

Basically, E10 fuel sucks.  Assuming your car runs OK on it and it doesn't rot out the seals and hoses in your fuel system, the power drop is such that it doesn't make economic sense to run it.

I ran my Honda on E10 for 6 months, which I think is a fair basis for comparison.  It started and idled fine, acceleration was fine, no burping or farting (from the car, driver as normal) or pinging.  I honestly didn't even notice any drop in power, which may have something to do with the fact that I'm driving a 1.6 litre 4-pot Hiroshima screamer in Melbourne traffic, not Le Mans.

What I did notice was that the fuel economy sucked, which is the result of placing the right hoof closer to the floorpan in order to produce the customarily desired rates of acceleration (i.e. a little faster than the flogged out cab driven by the punjab in the merging lane).

I saw a closer to 6% drop in fuel economy, which means that a 4c/litre discount is resulting in money out of my pocket.  4c out of, let's say, $1.20/litre pump price is only 3.3% discount, I'd need 6% of $1.20 or a round 8c/litre off just to crack even.

That then doesn't compensate for my having to fill the bloody thing up 10% more often.

The bottom line: ethanol fuel is currently a loser, and considering it actually costs about twice as much a litre to make fuel alcohol versus burning dead dinosaurs, it's going to remain that way until the government either subsidises it properly (yeah, right) or the pricks simply legislate that all fuel must contain ethanol, at which stage pricing will simply go up in line with costs and we'll all take it in the neck as usual.


Friday, May 27, 2016

Never 10

Thank you, GRC.




Microsoft, seriously - fuck you.  This MY goddamn computer and it will run the OS that I want it to, not you.

If you've already been contaminated by the Umbrella Corporation, I suggest you run screaming for Classic Shell as fast as your chubby digits can type.


Saturday, May 21, 2016

Super Chilli

Made a big pot of my current chilli recipe earlier in the week, with cayenne pepper, chilli powder and 4 large jalapenos with the seeds left in.

Quite nice, but I thought the flavour could be upper a little further.

I was very pleased to recently find a local shop that carries the Blair's sauces.


You want about half a teaspoon in a medium pot, that's enough to give it a good zing of heat but you can still feel your face after eating it.

Now get hold of a good block of jalapeno cheese and shred about a handful per serve.  Stir this into a nice big bowl of the chilli.


Now microwave the bowl to bring the whole thing back up to temperature and get all the cheese melted.  Sprinkle a little more cheese on top.

Finally, add a decent slick of Cholula hot sauce on top.  This is quite a mild sauce, you're doing this for the flavour.



Eat with some hot garlic bread, I highly recommend this ciabatta one.


Saturday, May 14, 2016

Arise, the new king

I used to think that Sofa King had the best business name and advertising slogan going.

Arise, the new king.


Sunday, April 3, 2016

New way to piss the handbrake off

Go out and wash the hounds first up in the morning (before every other pest ties up the pet wash station for hours cleaning their long haired newfoundland or whatever).

Get home and "helpfully" chuck all the dog drying towels, washers etc into the washing machine, plus their stinky bed blanket.

Now, very quietly, run around and collect all of the hand and dish towels in the place and hide them.

When the handbrake discovers this and asks where they are, say there was still some room in the washing machine so you bunged them in too.

Observe reaction.

Friday, March 25, 2016

Idiot of the day

You really have to check out the video in this news article.

http://www.11alive.com/news/man-loses-leg-after-shooting-lawmower-full-of-explosives/99971283

Summary: dick head takes commercially available and legal explosive based on ammonium nitrate and aluminium powder (!), uses six times the recommended amount, and stuffs it inside an old ride on lawn mower (with all sorts of nice sheet metal panels).  He then caps off a couple of mags from a semi auto rifle at it from maybe 30 yards away, as opposed to the couple of hundred of yards it's intended to be shot at from.

Wild hilarity then commences when the flying sheet metal amputates one leg below the knee, and everyone is still wondering how the HELL that happened??

Moron.

Sunday, February 14, 2016

Self important twit of the week

Some of you may have seen a news story a few weeks ago about Jean-Marie Le Pen, a self-important French politician, objected to being having an embarrassing photo of himself taken in public.

While I'm very glad to see that a court has chucked out the frivolous lawsuit for $56,000 in "damages", I am less pleased to see that the court did fine the photographer €1 as a nominal judgement, and also ordered he pay Le Pen's legal costs.

What sort of crap is this?  They decide there's no claim to be made, but the defendant still has to pay the costs of some politicians's entitlement syndrome?  I realise, as do all thinking people, that the French are an arrogant set of insular, incompetent, lazy cowards, but apparently even their legal system doesn't extend to a level of intelligence beyond this.

Luckily the defendant is going to appeal the decision, and I fervently hope it gets chucked out.

Typical useless politician.  Wants all the media coverage in the world, but only while it's favourable, and thinks he can use his clout to stomp on someone who shows him doing something embarrassing.  Drop dead.

The court also required that the photo be taken down or face a further fine of €1,000 a day, which is more bullshit.  I have no idea what French law is (and for that matter the flight the selfie was taken on was between France and Italy, so does it even fall under French law at all?), but certainly in my legal jurisdiction there is no general right to privacy that protects a person’s image, particularly when not for commercial purposes.  In other words, if you're in public, you chose to be so, and you can't stop your photo being taken.

So fuck you Le Pen, and welcome to the Streisand Effect.


Thursday, February 4, 2016

Chilli recipe

1kg minced beef
2 medium onions
4 garlic cloves or a couple of decent spoons of minced garlic
1 teaspoon chilli powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons ground cumin
1 teaspoon oregano (leaves or ground, meh)
1/2 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1/2 bottle of tomato paste
At least 5 big green jalapeno chillis, chopped - deseed some depending on heat preference (and wash in cold water if even less heat desired).
Tabasco sauce or other chilli sauce, how much is up to you
1 can chopped tomatoes
2 cans kidney beans
1 teaspoon sugar
1/2 tallie of stout beer (fill the tomatoes can)

To serve:
sour cream
shredded cheese



Fry the mince off in a large pot.  Chop it up with a spatula and get some browning happening.  If any water cooks out, evaporate and continue cooking until you are frying and the mine has a decent crust.

Add onions, garlic, chilli powder, salt, cumin, oregano, cayenne pepper and Tabasco sauce.  Cook until the onion has softened a bit.

Add everything else left on the bench!  Drink the rest of the beer.

Stir really well and bring to a boil.  Keep stirring so the meat as is broken up as you can get it.

Cook on a low heat for an hour or so, you want the beans tender.  Stir occasionally to stop the bottom catching.



To serve, put up a decent bowl full and add a big handful of shredded cheese.  Stir in so the cheese melts.  Top with a big spoon of sour cream, and add chilli sauce if desired.

For added yums, serve with buttered toast.

Saturday, January 30, 2016

Just in case you needed a new way to kill yourself or anything

This is a 12.4 litre 7 cylinder radial bolted to a pair of water skis.

Because what could possibly go wrong, yeah???  Hold my beer!



Some further reading suggests that this particular method of killing yourself is. amazingly, not unique.




This sort of contraption is known as an "idroscivolante" in Italian, which is apparently another way of saying "fucking deathtrap", replacing the more common usage "Fiat".

Friday, January 29, 2016

Decided to up my game a bit

In preparation for getting into rum brewing, I have decided that I had better up my game a bit in the storage department.

5 litre flagons are good for general handling and oaking, but you need a lot of them, and they are not cheap.  They also make blending difficult.

I've experimented with the 15 and 23 litre glass carboys but they are very expensive, and there's just something about putting that much product into one glass container that doesn't sit well with me.  They're also difficult to seal effectively, as you can't get the swingtop caps (no little holes for the wires), and the one time I tried corking one solid the pressure differential on the first warm day shot the cork across the room with more verve than I have any intention of encouraging further.

Wooden barrels of any size make glass look cheap, and I don't know I would trust any but the best ones re leakage.

So given you can only keep the stuff in glass, timber, earthenware (yeah right) or stainless steel, I did what had to be done and bought a keg.

The "small" bottle on the left is 5 litres, the big fella with the siphon in it is 23 litres.  The keg is 50 litres.  The skateboard is from Masters so I don't shear a pin moving the thing.

Sanitising kegs takes some commitment.  With fermenters you just chuck in some sanitiser solution, half a jug of warm water, and shake.  The process is much the same with the keg, but you need to be Gregor Clegane to do it.

Anyway, I just sealed it up with about 1/2" of air space and it's off to live in the cupboard for a couple of years, and we'll see what she tastes like then.  In the meantime, let the rum begin (or at least we will when the useless feed store gets my 20 litre drum of molasses in, which they were supposed to have here three days ago).


Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Australia Day and black hypocrisy

I see that yet again the local layout good for nothing coons have stirred themselves out of last night's cheap cask moselle hangover to protest Australia Day.

Of course, they all drove there, are wearing modern clothes and shoes, are carrying smartphones and only have the knowledge and language to make their complaint due to the "invasion" of the white fella's civilisation, but let's forget all that when it comes to putting our hands out for a land grab that always conveniently happens to be on the site where a multimillion dollar development has been proposed.  It's never on a block of land in the middle of fucking nowhere, because apparently the degree of cultural value ascribed to a location is a function of how much they think they can screw the white fella (or the sycopathic lefties among them, anyway) out of for it.

As always, I'll make my usual offer to the coons.  You can have a couple of million acres of the place, as it was 20 million years ago, and we'll build a nice fence around it.  Do what you like with inside it.  Catch kangaroos, spear each other, abuse your children, bang rocks together, whatever.  I'm sure it's all an expression of a rich and diverse "culture".

Set one foot outside it and expect to reap the benefits of civilisation and you shut your fucking useless mouths, because you've contributed precisely nothing to the development of the country, all the while complaining with your hands out that your society is being oppressed.  Most of you are too brain dead from alcohol and hitting each other over the head as a form of social discourse that you couldn't express what that was if your lives depended on it.

You know, those lives that have improved in expectancy by over 50% since colonisation?  Those ones that we spend more than 50% extra on than white people who stay off the ganja, don't drink themselves into oblivion on cask moselle and methylated spirits, and don't think that spearing someone else is a perfectly acceptable form of mediating a dispute?

Because, of course, what have the Romans ever done for anyone?  Bastards!


Saturday, January 16, 2016

Another Saturday, another experience at Peabrain Central

So it's time again for the Saturday ritual - line up at Peabrain Central to collect the parcels that the cretin postie somehow randomly decided couldn't be delivered during the week.

Front up at the counter, hand over collect-me card and driver's licence, carefully turned UP so the correct address shows.

Postdroid looks at the card, looks at the licence, looks at the card, looks at the licence, looks at the card.  One more cycle and I'll assume it's gone into an endless loop and that I need to reset it with a slap upside the head.

Finally, the postdroid reaches the end of whatever if-then-else statement it was stuck in, and says: So... is the the current address?

Me:  Let's look at this logically.  I realise it's a new concept, I'll speak slowly.  The licence would have been issued at my current address at the time, yes?  There's a sticker on the back with a different address.  Again applying logic, that would post-date the issuance of the licence, with me so far?  Right, so that leaves us with a few possibilities.

(1)  I still live at the original address and somehow a change of address sticker with some random location has appeared on the back of the card.  Wonder how that happened?
(2)  There's an original address on the card, a change of address sticker which I could only get by, you know, actually moving to that address, but I've decided to mess with your head by moving back to the address where I lived at the time the card was issued.
(3)  I don't live at either of those addresses!  I've moved somewhere random, yet I still travel back to my old suburb to get my mail, because I have nothing better to do with my time and I just love coming here.
(4)  Or, we could experiment with the idea that because the address on the back of the licence matches the one on the collect-me card, it might just be the right one, yeah?

Which one are we going with?

Postdroid:  There's no need to be rude.

Me:  Available evidence very much suggests otherwise.  I would say obviously, but since I'm talking to someone that can't match up two fucking addresses out of three available, that may not be apparent.