Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Die, scum suckers
Just reading a few articles today covering the latest increasingly shrill and futile attempts by tobacco companies to protest against legislation governing the sale of their vile product. It really is apparent that this mob are running out any cogent arguments, and a good thing too.
1. You don’t know that plain packaging will work, it’s never been tried.
Correct. We are trying it. It’s hardly going to increase sales of tobacco products, is it? And the argument that things should not be done because they have not been done before is puerile.
2. There’s no research that it will lower sales.
Consider this a research exercise. And if you think so, why are you running full-page newspaper advertisements complaining about it?
3. A whole market in black market tobacco will flourish, filled with nasty chemicals.
What, in comparison to the wholesome, healthgiving evil you flog now? How many million people does it kill or maim again on a yearly basis?
4. The government will be deprived of revenue through black market tobacco.
The government is quite happy to forgo those taxes, thank you. We’re lowering your sales, remember? Black market tobacco is a separate problem that will be addressed in time, that’s not an excuse for not eradicating your industry first.
5. It’s a legal product, this is a nanny state.
Nobody is stopping the sale of the product – just making it less attractive for people to buy something that is a major negative impact on the health of the general population. We already regulate the sale of alcohol, spray paint cans, arsenic and gelignite for the general good of the public – this is another example of that.
Keep ‘em coming, boys.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Website hacking
WTF is going on with the web lately??
The sheer number of sites and databases getting hacked is incredible – Sony, Nintendo, the US Senate, local host DistributeIT has been down for a week, http://www.martinarchery.com/ is looking a bit sad, the fricken FBI for chrissake apparently took a hot a couple of weeks ago, and I now read that NATO headquarters is being probed.
This LulzSec group had better be on the lookout for black helicopters, because I suspect they are well past the point where they have badly pissed some people off. http://lulzsecurity.com/releases/
Truisms
1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good Evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, ‘In case of emergency, notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR.’
13. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. (Right, Arnie?)
16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. I asked god for a bike, but I know god doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
19. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
20. There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
21. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
22. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
24. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
26. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.
28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
Appropriate use of the work "fuck" in conversation
There are only twelve times in history when the work “fuck” has been considered acceptable for use. They are as follows:
1. “What the @#$% do you mean, we are sinking?” — Capt. E.J Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912
2. “What the @#$% was that?” – Mayor Of Hiroshima , 1945
3. “Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?” — Custer, 1877
4. “Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that.” — Einstein, 1938
5. “It does so @#$%ing look like her!” – Picasso, 1926
6. “How the @#$% did you work that out?” – Pythagoras, 126 BC
7. “You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?” – Michelangelo, 1566
8. “Where the @#$% are we?” – Amelia Earhart, 1937
9. “Scattered @#$%ing showers, my arse!” – Noah, 4314 BC
10. “Aw c’mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?” – Bill Clinton, 1998
11. “Geez, I didn’t think they’d get this @%#*^ing mad.” – Saddam Hussein, 2002
And the newest addition to the list is…..
12. “I need a SEAL in my house like I need a @%#*^ing hole in my head.” – Osama Bin Laden, 2011
Friday, June 10, 2011
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Ever see an Ilyushin IL-76 fly with no tail?
Neither has the Iranian Air Farce. (That's not a typo.)
Monday, June 6, 2011
This guy is a fucking whacko
... or he's decided to have some fun with the situation. Love the last comment.
Clicky link for download.
Clicky link for download.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Marketing department terms
Different terms used by marketing departments:
NEW – Different colour from previous model.
ALL NEW – Parts are not interchangeable with previous model.
EXCLUSIVE – Imported.
UNMATCHED – Almost as good as the competition's product.
FOOLPROOF OPERATION – Can't be adjusted.
ADVANCED DESIGN – The advertising agency doesn’t understand what it does.
IT’S HERE AT LAST – Rush job. Nobody knew it was coming.
FIELD TESTED – Manufacturer lacks test equipment.
HIGH ACCURACY – Unit on which all parts fit.
FUTURISTIC – We can't think of any other reason why it looks the way it does.
REDESIGNED – Previous flaws fixed – we hope.
DIRECT SALES ONLY – Factory currently suing distributor.
YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT – We finally got one to work.
BREAKTHROUGH – We finally figured out a use for it.
MAINTENANCE FREE – Sealed unit, impossible to fix.
MEETS ALL STANDARDS – Ours, not yours.
SOLID-STATE – Heavy as all hell.
LESS FATTENING – Now features slightly lower fat content than pig stomach lining.
HIGH RELIABILITY – We got one to work long enough to ship it.
NON-REFUNDABLE – We couldn't get one to work long enough to ship it.
FAT FREE – You pay for the food, but the fat itself is free.
Dumbarse baby names
There’s a blog I read occasionally whose write delights in monitoring trends in new baby names. As part of it, he also picks out the real shockers, a few of which I will reproduce here.
Milania Alexsis. Someone needs to stop watching "Days of our lives" quite so much.
Jamar Lee. Father Gerald, mother..... Santana.
Deeonnie Darrielle. Ooh, here come da ethnics. $5 says she grows up to be a pole dancer.
Whitt Allen. Even making allowances for dumbarse Americans, just wow.
Kason Carter.
Ceslee Faith. That's not even a word.
Kurry Joseph. Words fails me.
Cayson Lynn. Double points: that's a girl.
Xavier Jerone. Yes, that’s “Jerone” with an “n”. Nice one, Jason and… Lajeanna. Ah, that might explain it.
Jabraylon Jhon. (Fuck me. No, Jhon is not misspelt) Then again, his mother Niesha's name might give an insight into his ethnic heritage.
Aiden Waine. Parents Patric (???) and Kasey.
Jayme Alyise. So graced by Jamaker and Amber. I’ll presume Jamaker is the male.
Kinsley A’londen. What the…
Ahna’Lynn Rae’chelle. Ooh, ethnic alert.
Jay’cee Darelle Lee. Possibly not a surprise considering the parent's names are Hilton and Helisha. Along with little Ahna’Lynn, more pole dancers I expect.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)