Monday, December 31, 2012

Friday, December 21, 2012

Stupid utterance of the day

If you’re a shop assistant, and you tell me “there’s no demand for them” after *I just asked for one*… you be dumb.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Things to say in the telecommunications industry when you haven't got a clue

Saying: I'll get it tested


Meaning: I'll get a level 1 tech to waste some time running a set of standard checks on it, although I know perfectly well that they're not going to find anything.  What I'm hoping is that is I stall you long enough, you'll actually do your job and find what you screwed up and fix the issue yourself.  We'll then end up closing the ticket as no fault found, and we both know what that means even if the management doesn't.



Saying: I can see some minor packet loss/jitter/flux capacitor oscillation/bunyip infestation


Meaning: Yes, all of which is entirely normal, quite expected, and none of which I have any intention whatsoever of doing anything about, including thinking about it.  When you start paying me $20,000 a month (and believe me, that's cheap) for a dedicated mission critical service I'll leap to your 10 millisecond break of service, even though it was just something failing over inside the network exactly as its designed to do.  But hey, for $20k I'm happy to pretend to care.  For $39.95 a month, you're lucky if I take the time to tell you to fuck off before I close your ticket.



Saying: Let's keep an eye on it


Meaning: Let's forget about it.  I did already.



Saying: Let's monitor it for a week


Meaning: Let's do the same as the above, but now I make a calendar entry to close your ticket after a week, because I'm still not thinking about it unless you come to me with more than some vague whining that you can't quantify and hope that I will for you.  Ideally what I'd like you to do is grow a spine and tell your end user a few truths about best effort networks, and explain that they bought a bus ticket, not a Ferrari.  While you're at it, you might want to explain to them that I'm not proactively swapping out $12k pieces of gear "just in case" when there are several hundred other services running off it with zero signs of problems and zero complaints, just to assuage their entitlement syndrome by being seen to be doing something.  I am doing something.  I'm ignoring what's not broken.  Suggest you might like to try it?



Saying: If this doesn't work, we'll try plan B


Meaning: I have absolutely no idea what plan B is.  This had better work or we're fucked.


I normally don't like the idea of people reblogging things, because the point of blogging should be to create something original.  It's a bit like TV "personalities" interviewing other "personalities" (especially when you have no idea who they are) - it's just manufactured low grade entertainment, junk food for the brain, filler material in the absence of anything useful, entertaining, original or newsworthy.

Gee, I think I just described the mainstream media - from one original fact they then get three days of coverage out of describing, discussing, criticising and armchair-experting (yes, I just made that word up, so bite me) everyone else's coverage of the original issue.

Don't even get me started on reality TV.

Anyhow, that aside, I shall repent in advance for I shall now reblog.

This is a rant published by a pharmacist in North America (I don't know this for sure, but the reference to monster trucks makes me feel like I'm on safe ground) about a grips of his patients, and why it occurs.  Said pharmacist has since gone to ground, which is a shame, but I want to preserve what they wrote here for posterity and amusement.


Why does your prescription take so damn long to fill?

You come to the counter. I am on the phone with a drunk dude who wants the phone number to the grocery store next door. After I instruct him on the virtues of 411, you tell me your doctor was to phone in your prescription to me. Your doctor hasn't, and you're unwilling to wait until he does. Being in a generous mood, I call your doctors office and am put on hold for 5 minutes, then informed that your prescription was phoned in to my competitor on the other side of town. Phoning the competitor, I am immediately put on hold for 5 minutes before speaking to a clerk, who puts me back on hold to wait for the pharmacist. Your prescription is then transferred to me, and now I have to get the 2 phone calls that have been put on hold while this was being done. Now I return to the counter to ask if we've ever filled prescriptions for you before. For some reason, you think that "for you" means "for your cousin" and you answer my question with a "yes", whereupon I go the computer and see you are not on file.

The phone rings.

You have left to do something very important, such as browse through the monster truck magazines, and do not hear the three PA announcements requesting that you return to the pharmacy. You return eventually, expecting to pick up the finished prescription.....

The phone rings.

......only to find out that I need to ask your address, phone number, date of birth, if you have any allergies and insurance coverage. You tell me you're allergic to codeine. Since the prescription is for Vicodin I ask you what exactly codeine did to you when you took it. You say it made your stomach hurt and I roll my eyes and write down "no known allergies" You tell me......

The phone rings. have insurance and spend the next 5 minutes looking for your card. You give up and expect me to be able to file your claim anyway. I call my competitor and am immediately put on hold. Upon reaching a human, I ask them what insurance they have on file for you. I get the information and file your claim, which is rejected because you changed jobs 6 months ago. An asshole barges his way to the counter to ask where the bread is.

The phone rings.

I inform you that the insurance the other pharmacy has on file for you isn't working. You produce a card in under 10 seconds that you seemed to be unable to find before. What you were really doing was hoping your old insurance would still work because it had a lower copay. Your new card prominently displays the logo of Nebraska Blue Cross, and although Nebraska Blue cross does in fact handle millions of prescription claims every day, for the group you belong to, the claim should go to a company called Caremark, whose logo is nowhere on the card.

The phone rings.

A lady comes to the counter wanting to know why the cherry flavored antacid works better than the lemon cream flavored antacid. What probably happened is that she had a milder case of heartburn when she took the cherry flavored brand, as they both use the exact same ingredient in the same strength. She will not be satisfied though until I confirm her belief that the cherry flavored brand is the superior product. I file your claim with Caremark, who rejects it because you had a 30 day supply of Vicodin filled 15 days ago at another pharmacy. You swear to me on your mother's'....

The phone rings. that you did not have a Vicodin prescription filled recently. I call Caremark and am immediately placed on hold. The most beautiful woman on the planet walks buy and notices not a thing. She has never talked to a pharmacist and never will. Upon reaching a human at Caremark, I am informed that the Vicodin prescription was indeed filled at another of my competitors. When I tell you this, you say you got hydrocodone there, not Vicodin. Another little part of me dies.

The phone rings.

It turns out that a few days after your doctor wrote your last prescription, he told you to take it more frequently, meaning that what Caremark thought was a 30-day supply is indeed a 15 day supply with the new instructions. I call your doctor's office to confirm this and am immediately placed on hold. I call Caremark to get an override and am immediately placed on hold. My laser printer has a paper jam. It's time for my tech to go to lunch. Caremark issues the override and your claim goes though. Your insurance saves you 85 cents off the regular price of the prescription.

The phone rings.

At the cash register you sign....

The phone rings.

......the acknowledgement that you received a copy of my HIPPA policy and that I offered the required OBRA counseling for new prescriptions. You remark that you're glad that your last pharmacist told you you shouldn't take over the counter Tylenol along with the Vicodin, and that the acetaminophen you're taking instead seems to be working pretty well. I break the news to you that Tylenol is simply a brand name for acetaminophen and you don't believe me. You fumble around for 2 minutes looking for your checkbook and spend another 2 minutes making out a check for four dollars and sixty seven cents. You ask why the tablets look different than those you got at the other pharmacy. I explain that they are from a different manufacturer. Tomorrow you'll be back to tell me they don't work as well.

Now imagine this wasn't you at all, but the person who dropped off their prescription three people ahead of you, and you'll start to have an idea why.....your prescription takes so damn long to fill.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Things I learned this weekend

Women do not think its as funny as you do when you take your iPad to the bog and refer to it as an iCrap.


Occupying a steel and concrete shed with small squealing children for any length of time is a poor idea.


Karcher pressure blasters not only hurt feet, but they take toenails off before you can say “FUC…” too.


Large plant pots should not be painted in the presence of small inquisitive pugs.  Unless you don’t mind your black pug with contrasting sandstone coloured whiskers, anyway.


Women don’t regard it as a much of an achievement as you do when you manage to do a beer burp and fart simultaneously.


No matter what you get done around the place, women will always have three or four jobs more lined up for you.