Sick people's guide to drugs

Given I'm currently incapable of speaking three words without coughing uncontrollably, I though it would be timely to post something I saw a while ago:

Do I have pain? A headache? Take a pain reliever.  Acetaminophen (Tylenol) or Ibuprofen (Advil) as you prefer.

Runny nose? Itchy, watery eyes? Drainage? A cough?  Basically, it's leaking and it shouldn't be?  You want an antihistamine.  Usually diphenhydramine (Benadryl), sometimes chlorpheniramine or brompheniramine.

Nose stuffy? My head congested?  Basically, if it's not running and it should be?  You want the good stuff - the pseudoephedrine - from behind the pharmacy counter.  Nothing else works much.  Sudafed is the go.

Am I coughing? Is it dry?  Get an antihistamine. Most OTC products will be based on dextromethorphan.  This does bugger all.

Am I hacking up bits from my lungs? Get something with guaifenesin.  Sold as Robitussin.  This will make you cough up disgusting amounts of mucus and assorted crap, it's pretty revolting but that is what it's supposed to do.  Not recommended for use in offices.