Monday, April 30, 2012

Hey, y'all hold my beer and watch this!

Today's ironic comment from the leaders of tomorrow

Came across this little gem on the net this morning…


“we should be alowed to go to work and earn mony instead of going to school and waisting mony on uniform and books when we dont nee to no half the stuff they teach uss”


Direct cut and paste.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Gee, this has only dawned on you *now*?

In breaking news, rocket scientists have discovered (shock!!!) that Nutella is actually not a health food after all.  Wow, who would have thunk it?

CONSUMERS who feel they were cheated into buying Nutella as a nutritious treat could be entitled to cash, after class action lawsuits inspired by a Californian mom were settled to the tune of $3 million.   
It's hardly a surprise this happened in California, which surpasses even Florida as North America's official Moron State, but I really have to ask whether the decision is actually justified.  Anyone so blitheringly, cretinously stupid as to believe that a jar of liquid chocolate would  "nourish their children with whole grains" as "part of a balanced meal" just because it's got a few ground hazelnuts in it pretty much deserves to be ripped off as far as I'm concerned.

Perish forbid, the next thing parents will be expecting their hand held over the slightest decision regarding their children - I know, let's create an I'm-a-moron traffic light system so I don't have to understand any of this stuff!  Because there's *no* worries that a food industry that knows people don't want monosodium glutamate in their food would label it "flavour enhancer 621" for instance, because clearly everyone out there understands the International Codex Alimentarius food numbering system and this wouldn't be *any* sort of impediment to understand precisely what they are being flogged.

Or that products can be clearly labelled "reduced sugar", because it doesn't have sugar in it - it has sucralose!

Hint, parents of the world - kids like anything sweet, salty or fatty.  It's why they will only eat the Cheerios for breakfast, and want McDonald's the rest of the time.  Instead of expecting to be spoon fed and complaining when you're expected to take some goddamn responsibility for your own actions, maybe *try* some of those Cheerios (or Coco Pops, or Fruit Loops) yourself - let's see how many of you spit them out in appalled horror at getting a mouthful of pure sugar, shall we?

And maybe instead of asking for a traffic light system for good/bad foods, perhaps you could exercise a neuron or two and stop being sucked into blindly believing advertising for the credulous - like that fucking label on the front of the Nutella bottle that claims it's "hazelnut spread".  Yeah, and the bomb at Hiroshima was actually just a really, really good tanning salon.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Whacko of the day

Your greenie idiot whacko loony of the day is this chick, who voluntarily sat in the front window of a Lush shop and underwent product testing normally done on animals for 10 hours.

Fine by me if she wants to.  It doesn't change the fact for an iota of time that the testing has to be done somehow, but if she's happy to consent for it to be done to her as opposed to a rabbit, then by all means go for it.  It would be better if she lost the body stocking, though.

Humane Society spokeswoman Wendy Higgins said it was ‘morally unthinkable’ that cosmetic companies should continue to profit from animal suffering, adding there could be ‘no justification for subjecting animals to pain for the sake of producing lipstick and eye shadow’.

And how else are they supposed to do it, my dear?  How about you keep your morals to yourself and stop trying to impose them on other people.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Day two

Everything is definitely a lot more comfortable on day two, and closer to conventional size as well.  Got to be happy with that.

Following on from my post of a couple of days ago, I am sure that everyone's flabber is thoroughly gasted that the 14 year old who ran over a woman on the footpath whilst trying to evade police and driving a stolen car is a multiple repeat car thief offender.  Never would have thunk it, eh?

The revelation came as Redfern elder Mick Mundine said he feared people seeking justice for the teenagers would incite violence.  Mr Mundine admitted he was worried about a repeat of the revenge riots in Redfern after the death of T.J. Hickey if people took matters into their own hands.

That's OK, Mick.  There's plenty more ammo.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Nut cutting 101

Today was the dreaded day.  V-day.  Yep, I got a vasectomy.


Despite all the briefing material there was a considerable amount of trepidation on my part, perhaps understandable.  I don’t like needles at the best of times, the occasional horror story doing the rounds doesn’t help, and there’s a certain reluctance to allow someone to lay sharp tools on your tackle at the best of times, I think most sane people would agree.


The nurses at the clinic were, as usual, thoroughly professional and efficient, and totally unshockable and unflappable.  I was instructed to disrobe from the waist down, place everything other than “supportive underwear” on the chair, and the daks next to the table.  Eh???


The surgery has a TV screen on the ceiling, which I was informed could be used for displaying the news, Two and a half men, or The Simpsons.  Or for broadcasting the procedure to the TVs in the waiting room.  I’m going to get that bloody nurse.


A doctor with a sense of humour way too cheerful and warped for a Monday morning appeared, and started wiping things and draping other things, and making a quite disconcerting serious of metallic clicks from just out of range of sight.  I don’t need to see or hear that, please.


The nurse complimented me on the preoperative self-care I had done.  Well, what she actually said was “Nice shave job on the balls!  Best of the morning!” at which stage SWMBO  - who was in the room for immoral support – burst out laughing.  Thanks, everyone.  No, really.


At this stage the Doctor gave his little “this may sting a bit” speech followed by sticking a bloody cold needle into bits you normally wouldn’t wish stuck.  I managed to refrain from using intemperate language but only just.  After some faffing about there was another stick, much less sensation than before.  We then played the “can you feel that?” game for a couple of minutes during which I am bloody sure the bastard was sticking a bulldog clip onto my nads, but while I could feel pressure, there was no pain.  I assured the Doctor he would be informed with great haste and aclarity should discomfort be experienced.


A small incision is then made at the top of the apparatus and the Doctor gets to go fishing for plumbing.  This is by far and away the most uncomfortable part of the procedure, as by this stage the boys have decided to seek shelter and have retreated.  Nurses have a way of dealing with this.  It involves getting a firm squirrel grip and hiking everything out where it needs to be, and if the patient indicates this is less than fully enjoyable you’re told to relax and stop trying to retract the things into the back of your throat.  This is what I was told, at any rate.


I might point out at this stage that the nurse is actually pretty hot, but the fact that she is aggressively manipulating your balls isn’t a problem considering the handbrake is holding your hand, and the nurse is executing a manoeuvre that I think gets taught in women’s self defense classes as a standard deterrent to attackers.


Finally, the Doctor locates the target plumbing with a device resembling a boathook.  The necessary hydraulics are hooked out, tied and severed.  SWMBO declined the offer to perform the actual cut.  I did mention the staff have a warped sense of humour.


Finally, appropriate padding is applied and the aforementioned supportive undergarments are deployed into place so as to provide mild pressure in the right places.  I haven’t had someone dress me for some time, and I did seek leave to balance the just-short-of-lift-and-separate tensioning with removing the wedgie that was resulting.  The nurse opined it probably wasn’t often that strange women put underwear on me, and I agreed, adding it was more normally removing it.  I think it was bloody unreasonable that the handbrake should punch me at that stage, my being a patient and all.  I received no sympathy from the staff.   :(   At least now I understand the tactical location of the foundation garmentry.


I then got a showbag of goodies with instructions, drugs, sample cups, a stubbie cooler I am *very* tempted to take to work, and some other paraphernalia.  You then get invited to sling your hook so they can have at the next poor sod.  I think the surgery was poorly placed on the first floor, as stairs are not all that terribly comfortable to negotiate.


The washup is a set of tackle about twice normal size which does promote a certain modification to walking technique, and I highly advise the wide stance before approaching a chair.  Low set lounges are to be avoided, because even if you can find a comfortable spot, you can’t bloody well stand up afterwards.  Your wife *will* laugh at you when you ask for help.


Day 2 to come.

Bleeding heart Monday

I see the bleeding heart never-anyone's-fault brigade are at it again following the shooting of the two little scumbags in Sydney last week.

Greens justice spokesman David Shoebridge said the footage raised "serious and legitimate questions about police conduct".

"I will be referring this matter to the Police Integrity Commission seeking the watchdog's immediate intervention in this case," he said in a statement.

"It is not good enough to only have police investigating police in cases where there are serious questions about the police use of firearms and violence".

Yes, someone has to protect the rights of the two little lambs who were brutally injured by the nasty totalitarian oppressor police.

Or maybe the little fucks shouldn't have been driving a stolen car around at 4am, with the 14 year old driver attempting to evade police and running over a woman on the footpath, and the occupants of the car were drunk and high on cannabis at the time?  Just maybe?

Just a few beds away, Troy was still fighting for life with his father furious about the "brutality factor of what happened to him".
Poor little lamb.  He should be able to do whatever the hell he wants and not be punished for it.

Personally I wish they had done a better job and shot the little fuck in the head at the time.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

I did gotted me a beer :)

That's a 4 litre chateau collapsible it is sitting next to.

Police chases

So I see the police are yet again being blamed by the bleeding heart liberals of the world for a death during the pursuit of a criminal.

'The crash has prompted a call from opposition police spokeswoman Michelle Roberts for a review of police pursuits, which she says should occur only in extraordinary circumstances.  Pursuing a stolen car in the middle of the day in built-up areas was not warranted, given the risk of injury to innocent members of the public and police officers, she said.'

Gee Michelle, it must be nice to be able to sit on the sidelines and just have all the answers, while taking none of the heat for actually making the hard decisions.

The simple reality is that setting any sort of automatic limit on when a criminal gets pursued - be it based on speed, time of day, location or anything else - simply tells criminals when they can get away with flouting the law with impunity.  Abandon chase at 140km/h?  Cool, steal something faster.  Can't pursue through a built up area?  Awesome, let's deliberately drive through a built up area as fast as we can.

Yes, it's tragic that an innocent member of the public died.  That's horrible.  The cops involved were running a red light, they have a duty of care to the public at the best of times, let alone when breaking traffic rules in pursuit.

Yes, I think it's reasonable that consent be sought for a pursuit to ensure there is oversight of the safety of doing so.  I'm quite happy with the decision residing with a senior officer as opposed to a potentially junior officer, in the name of making a mature decision.

But no, I don't think that eliminating every single possible danger to the public at the expense of abandoning any effective hope of preventing criminal behaviour is workable.  And I'm sure that ol' Michelle would be the first person putting out a press release about the failure of government to control criminal behaviour if it was done, too.

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Homebrew electronics

Not quite what you might think… I just poured about half a shot of bourbon into my keyboard.  This will be interesting.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Live long, and prosper.

Very, very interesting photo, despite the idiot on the left.

Anyone not quite getting it should have a look at the necklace the lady in question is wearing. And no, she hasn't changed much over the years at all.

Calling captain obvious

Read this little gem in the news this morning, another shining example of rubbish journalism.

If this is a surprise to anyone, wake up and smell the coffee.

The reality is that 89% of Australia's population lives in urban centres, and if I average the population of NSW, Qld, Victoria, SA and WA living in the capitals, it's 65% - Australia is one of the most heavily urbanised countries in the world.

What this means is that in the major metro areas, you have two choices.  Actually, three.

  1. Pay a fortune for a house block somewhere reasonable.  Reasonable means not having a two hour car drive or train ride to work every day, or not having to live in some hole of a suburb where you can play spot-the-Aussie out from between the bars on the windows.
  2. Pay a lesser fortune and put up with the soul crushing degradation of spending 20% of your waking life commuting to and from work.
  3. Abandon hope of owning your own home, and watch prices spiral out of control faster than you can accumulate any sort of savings to enter the market, all while paying off someone else's mortgage and funding their home and wealth.
Good choices, hey?

Maybe if as a society we didn't think that we'd just *die* if we didn't have flat screen TVs in every room, expensive internet, IPTV and a $120 a fucking WEEK mobile phone bill, we might be able to focus a little more on what's actually important, like a place to live.  In other words stop being a shallow little gen-Z waste of space and think more than 5 minutes into the future.

Pitiful.  Deserve everything they don't get.