Saturday, April 28, 2012

Gee, this has only dawned on you *now*?

In breaking news, rocket scientists have discovered (shock!!!) that Nutella is actually not a health food after all.  Wow, who would have thunk it?

CONSUMERS who feel they were cheated into buying Nutella as a nutritious treat could be entitled to cash, after class action lawsuits inspired by a Californian mom were settled to the tune of $3 million.   
It's hardly a surprise this happened in California, which surpasses even Florida as North America's official Moron State, but I really have to ask whether the decision is actually justified.  Anyone so blitheringly, cretinously stupid as to believe that a jar of liquid chocolate would  "nourish their children with whole grains" as "part of a balanced meal" just because it's got a few ground hazelnuts in it pretty much deserves to be ripped off as far as I'm concerned.

Perish forbid, the next thing parents will be expecting their hand held over the slightest decision regarding their children - I know, let's create an I'm-a-moron traffic light system so I don't have to understand any of this stuff!  Because there's *no* worries that a food industry that knows people don't want monosodium glutamate in their food would label it "flavour enhancer 621" for instance, because clearly everyone out there understands the International Codex Alimentarius food numbering system and this wouldn't be *any* sort of impediment to understand precisely what they are being flogged.

Or that products can be clearly labelled "reduced sugar", because it doesn't have sugar in it - it has sucralose!

Hint, parents of the world - kids like anything sweet, salty or fatty.  It's why they will only eat the Cheerios for breakfast, and want McDonald's the rest of the time.  Instead of expecting to be spoon fed and complaining when you're expected to take some goddamn responsibility for your own actions, maybe *try* some of those Cheerios (or Coco Pops, or Fruit Loops) yourself - let's see how many of you spit them out in appalled horror at getting a mouthful of pure sugar, shall we?

And maybe instead of asking for a traffic light system for good/bad foods, perhaps you could exercise a neuron or two and stop being sucked into blindly believing advertising for the credulous - like that fucking label on the front of the Nutella bottle that claims it's "hazelnut spread".  Yeah, and the bomb at Hiroshima was actually just a really, really good tanning salon.

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