Dear Americans

Dear Americans,

 

I realise you have long since butchered the English language in the name of crass individualism and anticolonialism like you have many other things, but I would just like to point out one issue if I might that has come to light this evening on the idiot tube.

 

The correct pronunciation for oregano is OH-REE-GAH-NOH.  This is a basic phonetic concept that anyone speaking English as opposed the to the bastardised Americanish version of it would realise.

 

It is NOT pronounced OH-REG-AH-NOH.  You will notice that compared to your horribly butchered version, the “e” is long and the “ga” is plosive.  It is also not emphasized with a growling sound like a cur dog on the “r”.

 

Please correct this immediately.

 

Oh yes, while I am on the subject – there is no such thing as “aluminum.”.  There is a metal called “aluminium” which I think you refer to, but you are missing an “i”.  (You are also missing many other things, but these lie outside the scope of this message.)

 

We will discuss the revolting concepts of contracting “right” to “rite”, “night” to “nite”, “quick” to “qwik” and other such atrocities on a future occasion.

 

Your cooperation is appreciated.

 

(How your redneck, inbred, knuckle dragging society ever rose to be the dominant continent earth is beyond me.  Personally I blame the French for assisting as they did at Fort William Henry, but then again the French can be blamed quite legitimately for many things.  Being French primary amongst them.)