Lying scumbag couriers

Just had an interesting experience with a courier company.

I've been waiting for a delivery today, for which their depot promised I would be called in advance.  I'm home all day, so no real matter.

I just wandered out to get the mail and found their truck in the street, with some lumbering cretin of a driver just getting out of the cab.

Cretin driver:  Lucky you caught me, I've been ringing for 15 minutes now.

Me:  ???  Ringing what, the doorbell or my phone?

CD:  Um, the doorbell.

Me:  Yeah?  I've been in the front room of the house for the last 15 minutes, it's a security screen door and the inner door is open.  I haven't heard a single knock or ring.  Let's give it a try, shall we?  Push doorbell, and unsurprisingly the doorbell rings inside.

I sign the delivery note and off he goes.  Not worth arguing with McCretin.  I'll give their office a serve.

I pull my phone out and there's *one* missed call from 3 minutes ago, I call back and it's their depot.

Depot:  Our driver has been trying to get hold of you for 15 minutes, he called and said there was nobody home.

Me:  Really.  I've been home the entire time, the front door has been open, I've been about 10 feet from it the entire time he says he was trying, and I haven't heard a knock, a doorbell or a phone call before yours.  I just went out to get the mail because the postie went past a couple of minutes beforehand, I saw him ride past and there was no truck parked out the front then.  I also just rang the doorbell in front of him and it worked fine, and that's before falling back to a good old-fashioned knock.  So the reality is that your driver is a lying scumbag who is running late because he's skived off somewhere for a bit, and is now trying to blame me for him being late on his run so you won't bust him for it.

Depot:  Um... yeah.  We'll be having a word with him.

Me:  Good, you do that.  While you're at it, why didn't he try calling me?  Like your office promised yesterday when I confirmed the delivery timeslot?

Depot:  Um... he might not have had your phone number.

Me:  And that might be complete crap.  It's obviously available to you because you just called me on it three minutes ago, and I confirmed it with your office yesterday - christ alone would know why I had to do that though, considering I was returning the call where they *already* called me on it.

Depot:  Um...

Me:  I also saw it on the delivery note I signed to accept delivery, and I'm looking at it right now on the delivery details taped to the side of the carton he just handed me.  And he obviously has a phone, because he managed to get through to you to bullshit you that I wasn't home.  So, to reiterate, your driver is a lying scumbag, yeah?

Depot:  Um....

Me:  Um, yeah.  Have a nice day.