Saturday, January 28, 2012

OK, that's enough.

Right, I’ve had it.

Cretins sending their e-mail to my address will henceforth have it published here as a monument to stupidity.  Starting now.


Dear Oliver,

Thank you for your kind message, but I should upfront note that yet again some cretin has failed to make the determination that there is only one person in the world with their particular surname – and it’s not them.  Their mistake is perhaps notable in that in this case they have only missed by 2,000km (as opposed to the messages I regularly receive from South Africa and England) however I still can’t help but feel that it’s a sad indictment on the state of society when someone can afford to send their troubled little crotchfruit to an institution that costs well over $15,000 a year and yet can’t spell their own freaking e-mail address.  I am far from holding a socialist point of polticial view, but I find something about that quite repugnant and morally repulsive.

If I may offer an opinion, Cameron should perhaps grow a set of balls now, or accept the fact that he’s going to be a geek for the next 6 years and join the robotics club.  The latter is perhaps more remunerative in later life, but Cameron should bear in mind that he’s unlikely to get laid much in the interim until he buys his first Ferrari following that path.  Should he feel he’s able to hold on though, I am sure he will find no end of scatterbrained little gold diggers who spent their formative years worrying about how many friends they had on Facebook willing to put out for their new meal ticket once he proves his financial worth.

Either way, I suggest you seek an alternative method of contacting Cameron’s parents for future discussions of his educational future.


Mr Pankhurst (not the one associated with Cameron).

From: Oliver Cozens []
Sent: Saturday, 28 January 2012 10:51 PM
To: Pankhurst (Cameron); Pankhurst (Cameron) (
Subject: Cameron settling in

Dear Mr and Mrs Pankhurst,

Sorry it has taken me until the end of the week to respond regarding Cameron. Gary Musson spoke to me about Cameron feeling a little lost. Some boys take a little longer to make new friends, and at a new school, Cameron is sensibly testing the water before he jumps in. Detecting he was a little quiet Monday and Tuesday, I took the liberty of asking a very caring boy from the class to keep an eye on him. I have also been observing him during my duties at lunchtime. I am happy to report that on Wednesday he was starting to turn the corner, getting involved in handball with a group of Year 5 boys. Generally there were noticeably more smiles as the week progressed.

I would encourage Cameron to get involved in extra-curricular activities, which are a great way to break the ice. We have CIC Cricket starting next week (training Tuesday and Thursday mornings 7am, with games on Saturday mornings) and we welcome all levels – lots of boys last year had never played cricket before. It’s not super competitive and the games are a lot of fun. I am taking one of the teams and can probably get Cameron on my team if that makes him feel any easier. We also have Robotics starting very soon on a Tuesday afternoon (I also take one of these groups).

From my point of view, Cameron seems like a great lad and I suspect that it won’t be long before he makes a firm connection.

I hope this allays some of your concerns. Please feel free to call or come in if you would like to discuss this further.


Oliver Cozens

Oliver Cozens | Year 5 Teacher | MIC CIC Cricket

Brisbane Boys' College | Kensington Terrace | Toowong | Queensland 4066 | Australia

T +61 7 3309 3595 | E | W

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