Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Stuff you hear on the radio

I was listening to the radio on the way in today, and was incredulous to hear an ad put up by the tobacco industry criticising the push towards plain packaging for tobacco products.  The gist of their argument was that nobody knew if it would work, so why bother trying it?  They then try to stigmatise the concept by the several times repetition of the point that the legislation hasn’t been properly thought through by Canberra.

This is as complete a load of horseshit as you would ever hear in your life.  I’m tempted to say that if that’s the best argument the tobacco industry can mount then it’s pretty pitiful, but the reality is that their position is completely indefensible.  The reason nobody knows how well it will work is that nobody has tried it before, you cretins.  It also doesn’t matter how well it works, any improvement is worth having.  Yes, it will damage your brand.  That’s precisely what we are trying to achieve.  The tobacco industry is an outdated, morally bankrupt industry that pushes a reprehensible, dangerous and vile product onto society, and anything that can be done to expunge the weeping sore it represents should be pursued to the utmost extent possible.

Ideally, the tobacco industry would fold its tent, sneak into the night and perish forbid find something to do that makes a contribution to society, but since it’s clearly not going to do that itself, we’re happy to beat it to death one stroke at a time.  While forcing the industry to pay for the bat to do it.

----------

I was also listening to an ad for a new office building in the Melbourne CBD.  Apart from the normal and expected blurb about location, amenities, pricing, good natural lighting etc, they then began wibbling total crap about how the site was “sustainable” and “ecologically sound”.  So we ask, what the hell does that mean?  Apparently the thing has got a solar panel on the roof, and they bunged a rainwater tank in somewhere.

Guess what, guys?  Big, fat, hairy deal.  Nobody cares.  Businesses care about location, visibility, carparking spaces, access to public transport, whether the site does what you want in terms of size and layout, and how much it costs.  Rainwater tanks are approximately item 1,483 on the list of things they care about.

----------

I filled the car up on the way home yesterday, paid $1.47 a litre.  Fark.  And then what do I find in the paper this morning?  A report saying that investigators in the USA are trying to subpoena personal e-mails between a man and his wife because they both worked for BP at the time of the Deepwater Horizon problem, the bloke had something to do with the failed blowout preventer, and so they have decided they want to invade the pair’s personal privacy just on the speculative chance they might find something to have a witch hunt over.  Hey guys, a suggestion – go screw yourselves.  If you go ripping oil out of the ground, sooner or later someone will screw up, or something will break, and you need to deal with the fact that shit happens.  Persecuting the industry is hardly a rational action with oil prices through the roof, and I presume nobody is making too many arguments in favour of nuclear lately?

Speaking of nuclear, I’m amazed the coverage of the Japan TEPCO plant problem has faded so quickly, and personally I think it’s because fundamentally nobody like the Japs.  As soon as everyone had had their fill of images of destruction, the media moved on.  It also doesn’t help that while you can take a picture of a boat parked upside down on top of a house, you can’t take a interesting image of 1000 millisieverts of radiation or particles of plutonium soil contamination – especially not from 30km away.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Funny of the morning...

... watching a spoiled brat general manager throw a tantrum because someone sat at her desk overnight.  Perish forbid her keyboard was moved slightly.

This is the same general manager who doesn’t understand why staff who will be hot desking would like some personal space – a locker, and a cubbyhole or personal set of drawers in the NOC itself.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Just found a pic

Just found a pic lurking on my phone I have been meaning to post.

It was taken in the pissoir of PJ O'Brien's Irish pub in Sydney, a favourite watering hole while I am there.

I first saw this ingenuious bit of grafitti in 2007 and was quite delighted to see that it still exists in 2011, so I took the opportunity grab a photo with enough resolution that you can actually see the damn thing.

Cool free game

Download this and have a go for free.

http://www.gravitysensation.com/trickytruck/

Level 8 is awesome. :)

Friday, March 25, 2011

Can I borrow your dog?

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.  A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.  Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.  Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn't stand his curiosity.

He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

"My wife's."

''What happened to her?"

The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."

A very poignant and touching moment, of brotherhood and silence, passed between the two men.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

The man replied, "Sure, get in line."

Rant of the morning - the world's most micromanaged expenses system

Here’s how to travel anywhere in this company.

- Determine the need to travel exists.

- Fill out a travel authorisation request form, and have a general manager countersign it.  Which is really convenient if you need to travel tomorrow and the GM is somewhere else in the country.

- Arrange all travel, accommodation and hire vehicles etc via an online system.  This reserves the resources, but doesn’t actually book them for real until the corporate travel agent micromanages them to ensure you haven’t done anything other than absolute least cost.  You can’t actually print out tickets or check in until this is done, so good luck if you need to get moving quickly.

- Corporate travel agent (hopefully) OKs everything, you get e-mail acknowledgement, start printing out tickets and itinerary etc.

- Travel is booked back to the corporate account, but you pay for all accommodation, taxis, meals etc yourself, which you have to claim back afterwards.

When you get back:

- Create an expenses claim in a godforsaken Oracle based e-expenses system, complete with a million description boxes, drop down field (none of which adequately describe the entry you are making), general ledger codes, need to provide merchant IDs and ABNs etc.

- Print this disaster out, an e-mail notification also goes to your manager.

- Very carefully sticky tape all small receipts to sheets of A4 paper (apparently the world will come to an end if this is not done), and photocopy everything.

- Keep the copy for yourself for when accounts payable dick you around, give all the originals to your manager.  Assuming he’s around to give them to.

- Manager OKs the claim in the e-expenses system and snail mails the originals to accounts payable.

- Accounts payable do precisely fuck all for about a week and a half, then e-mail you to say they are knocking the claim back because there’s a molecule of ink in the wrong place, can you please correct this.

- Claim is eventually authorised about 5 minutes too late to catch the payroll run, so you get to wait another fortnight to get paid.


Telstra system:

- Employee has a corporate credit card.

- Any travel required is booked via online system, done immediately.

- Any and all expenses while travelling go on the credit card.

- At the end of the month, you get an e-mail asking you to reconcile your monthly statement.  You log into an e-expenses system, check the bill is right, and stick a reason and GL code on each line.

- Your manager gets an e-mail to authorise the payment, they click one OK button and the account is paid.

- You keep the receipts, save for anything over a threshold which you send to accounts payable via internal mail.


Perish forbid, but I have to say the Telstra system was a lot better.