UNCLASSIFIED
Idiot brainwashed moron #1
Me: Can you see this? (Points at "No knock" sticker on door.)
Them: Yes.
Me: So why are you intruding on my privacy against my clearly expressed wishes?
Them: Our faith tells us we must.
Me: My faith tells me I must punch doorknockers in the face repeatedly if they ignore my sign. If you want to introduce me to your faith, I presume you'll have no objections to my doing the same?
Idiot brainwashed moron #2
Them: May we take a few minutes to speak to you about [our personal imaginary best friend]?
Me: I’ll tell you what, I'm currently picking up dog shit in the yard. I'll allow you to talk to me about whatever you like as long as you help pick up shit. Offer lasts while dog shit does, deal?
Idiot brainwashed moron #3
Them: May we take a few minutes to speak to you about [deluded rambling]?
Me: From that, may I presume you have a strongly held religious faith?
Them: Oh yes, very much so!
Me: So if our positions were reversed and I was knocking on your door, would I have any hope of convincing you to change your faith to that of mine?
Them: Oh no, of course not!
Me: So why the fuck would you assume you're going to be able to change mine by doing exactly the same?
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