Tuesday, April 27, 2010

A horse's what??

The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number.

 

Why was that gauge used?

 

Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the US Railroads.

 

Why did the English build them like that?

 

Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.

 

Why did they use that gauge then?

 

Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.

 

Okay... so why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing?

 

Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.

 

So who built those old rutted roads?

 

Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (and England) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since.

 

And the ruts in the roads?

 

Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.

 

So it turns out that the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot, thereby proving that bureaucracies live forever

 

So the next time you are handed a spec and told we have always done it that way and wonder what horse's arse came up with that, you may be exactly right, because the Imperial Roman war chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the back ends of two war horses.

 

Now the twist to the story...

 

When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site.

 

The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains. The SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds.

 

So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's arse.

Subject: Aged Health care/Pensioners

The Government has refused proper health care to many elderly citizens due to their advancing years. It is a worrying problem for many but help is at hand.

Join the new free care plan today. If you are 65 years or older, you can apply. All new members will receive a gun and four rounds of ammo.

You are allowed to shoot two MP's, one Centerlink employee, and just to be sure of a long sentence, someone you really don't like and think the world could do without.  Daryl Somers comes to mind, or Eddie McGuire.  That sort of thing.

As part of the plan, you will leave enough evidence to make sure you are caught and in due course will be sent to prison with a life sentence.

There you will get a safe central heated or Air conditioned environment, three meals a day, lots of company, free TV and an assortment of games plus - most importantly - all the health care you need!

New teeth needed? No problem.

New glasses? They'll be provided.

New hip, knees, kidney, lung, heart? They're all covered too.

And who will pay for all of this? The same government that told you they cannot afford your current health care.

And as an added bonus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay income tax anymore!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

How to spend a shitful afternoon

So I’m doing a dropoff at the airport this afternoon, and the best MO I have for doing this is to chuck everyone off at the departure line, then zip around to the McDonalds in the carpark and avail myself of a coffee until those doing the seeing-off bit are ready to be picked up.  Beats $30 for short term parking fees.

 

I’m propped up in Maccas with a nice coffee, and I go to put my canalphones in so I can watch some iPhone videa while waiting.

 

SCRUNCH.

 

Hmm, that doesn’t seem right.

 

Withdraw right earbud to discover the silicone tip has decided to hop off the end of the speaker assembly and is now wedged in my ear canal.  Fantastic.  Bloody wonderful.  Ripper.  No way in hell that’s coming out with fingers, and the crap service station next door doesn’t sell tweezers or a small first aid kit with a pair in it.  Excelsior.

 

So muggins here gets to sit there for half an hour, *then* drive 50km back home, all with a lump of scrunched up silicone putting pressure on my ear canal and the flange around my eardrum.

Cattle gates - how not to do it

Cattle gate fail.





Ok, so that's annoying.

But... what if the pipework were to.... deflect... off something once it had pierced the quarter panel sheetmetal?





See all the ripples in the seat cover in the last pic?  That's clench at work....

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Data centre art




This is a real ISP's NOC in Sweden, and yes - it's built in an abandoned nuclear shelter.






Cabling pr0n:




Caravan fail

Nice Viffer with custom paint job

Saw this in the local Bunnings carpark, quite nice.